Do you speak Manguage or the language of men?

Have you ever had a difficult time describing the shear magnitude of responsibilities and unexpected mishaps that can occur during the day to your husbands?  Does it seem like no matter how you try to express the fact that you are physically, emotionally, and mentally drained they never seem to truly appreciate the extent? Well, most moms can relate. It is no surprise that men and women speak different languages (and a bad case of selective hearing, but that is a whole different story).

For example, when your husband gets home and you express the fact that you have had a very demanding day and share the happening of your day with him you state the following:

The baby was up all night so my day started off on a tired note, followed by the fact that Tommy and Sue’s school closed due to boiler issues so I had to entertain the children all day.  Fortunately I was still able to maintain the daily chores.  So, I am a little excited by the fact that I did it; though the day did not start off in my favor I did it! I fed the kids, put clean sheets on all the beds, did laundry, fed the animals, swept the floors, vacuumed, cleaned the kitchen (three times), changed diapers, resolved a few sibling quarrels, had a few discussions about inappropriate behavior, paid some bills, got caught in the crossfire of a juice box war, cleaned up puke (Tommy used the sit & spin after lunch, again, after I have told him five times not to spin after you eat),  had a serious discussion about super heroes and heaven, made a slew of crafts with Sue, helped a girlfriend through some turmoil in her life, and still manages to throw on some deodorant,  a semi decent wardrobe, and have dinner on the table. Go me!

Unfortunately what your husband heard was:

The baby was up all night and…… then his mind kind of started to wandered. 

Our husbands might say it is our own fault, we should say something new or perhaps not as much but the real issue is we are speaking different languages.  I guess John Gray was right, Men are from Mars, darn Martians, that explains why they do not hear what we are saying and why their feet always smell, what is the deal with that?  I digressed. We need to figure out how to speak their language and I think I have found the perfect analogy. Moms/Wives are like Cars.

Let me explain, men seem to always take exceptional care of their cars and understand car language.  They fill up the tank before it is even 3/4 empty, they get oil changes on time, clean their cars out frequently (or at least much more frequently then us mommies get the opportunity to), rotate and change tires as necessary, and need I add, even have a little fun with their cars (speed a little, enjoy their favorite music, like to show it off to their friends), and the kids are rarely in their car. Remember Tim the Tool man Taylor from Home Improvement?  He is the perfect example of how a man speaks car and takes care of his car. So, I have come up with the following language barrier resolution. Simply translate all your questions and woes into men language or manguage. I have included a few suggested phrases below.

Women say:

I have had a long and tough day and need to get out of the house and away from the children for a little while to rejuvenate so that my mommy spirit will be ready for a new day. I am going to a friends to talk for a little while.

Translated in manguage:  My tank is almost empty and I need to refuel. 

Women say:

I had a tough week and need some time to redirect my focus and put some “me” time in.  I think I will get a pedicure, what do you think?  It isn’t sandal weather yet but I could use it. Maybe I should wait? What do you think? Maybe while I am there I will get my eye brows done, what do you think?  My legs are hairy too, I have never waxed my legs but I have always wanted to try, what do you think?

Translated in manguage:  I need to get myself detailed, be back in a few hours.

Women say:

It has been forever since I have gotten my hair done and I feel so dated and yucky. I ran into Cindy today and she has this new bob that looks amazing on her. I need to get a new hairdo.  Do you think I should go shorter? My face is long though, I am not sure how that will look on me. Perhaps go lighter… or darker? Maybe I should get a few highlights? What do you think?

Translated in manguage: I need a new paint job. I was going to ask you a lot of questions but ultimately will call Cindy and trust her opinion.

Women say:  My OBGYN appointment is coming up, I so dread this but I know it is for my health.  I hope there isn’t a long wait. That gets me thinking, what about another baby? I am not getting any younger?

Translated in manguage: I need to get the interior detailed, check under the engine and make sure everything is running smoothly.  Regarding the baby comment-This model is getting old so lets make it look amazing, take it for a fun drive, and then put it out of commission for a year and then increase the car payment again (because the last three increases were not significant enough) for an indefinite amount of time.

Women say: Don’t you love me anymore? We never talk, we never go out, and I am stuck with the kids all day everyday, I need some adult attention.

Translated in manguage: I have a full tank of gas, the interior is detailed, tires rotated, engine checked, and washed- it’s time to show me off to your friends.

So maybe no real issues are being resolved but at least we are now able to translate our thoughts into manguage.  Please share some of your manguage barriers that you have experienced.

Go Green to save Green!

I have always been an advocate for living a green and sustainable lifestyle but it wasn’t till recently that I fully comprehended the philosophy and the financial benefits. In the beginning I played into the greenwashing and various ploys to spend substantial amounts of money in order to declare myself, my family, and my home as green. Thankfully with each subsequent child I have evolved as not only a mother but an environmentally conscious one.

It all started with the birth of our first child.  The pressures to have all the necessary baby gadget and playthings as well as the cleanest and safest home were my goals no matter what the cost. If you asked my husband he would definitely agree that cost was the main consequence of my mommy greenest actions.  You name it and I bought it! Organic everything including, formula, baby food, clothes, blankets, plush toys, etc.  Masses of Green cleaning products including, toilet, shower/tub, floor, countertop, furniture, wood polish, disinfectant spray for pacifiers (which was pointless because my children never took a pacifier), etc.  We purchased biodegradable disposable diapers and wipes.  I was even contemplating clean air machines for each room in the house but then the spending had to decrease because we were expecting again.

With our second child I realized that we could no longer afford the ridiculously expensive disposable all be it, biodegradable diapers.  Which has me contemplating just how it could possibly biodegrade in the landfill?  ((Side note- In school a fellow grad student did her thesis on landfills. She was able to get a drill to excavate garbage 40 feet below the surface.  Her findings were shocking. The garage did not decompose at all; she was able to read a newspaper from ten years ago as if she just purchased it from the corner stand yesterday. This was really alarming because paper should only take 5 months to decompose.  Peak your interest? See how long it takes your garbage to decompose- http://www.greenecoservices.com/how-long-does-it-take-for-trash-to-biodegrade/)). So I switched to a diaper that was a hybrid of cloth with a pad that would insert in the center of the diaper and could be easily removed and dissolve in toilet water (sounded easy enough).  I had to cut back on all my cleaning products.  I started using vinegar, water, and a dash of lavender for countertops, floors, glass, and disinfecting.  I used baking soda in the bathroom and olive oil and lemon for furniture polishing.  The money we saved by no longer purchasing all the various cleaning products and disposable biodegradable diapers was significant and I was minimizing my carbon footprint. All those cleaning products, diapers, and food had raw materials that needed to be excavated and they were not often indigenous raw materials so they needed to be transported, and then manufactured. Once manufactured the products then needed to be packaged and transported yet again.  With my carbon footprint at an all time low I was living on cloud nine. Even though our disposable income had declined with the birth of our second child I was saving more by going green. Next challenge, baby number three!

Ok, so the economy is in the dumps, enrollment is down at the university where I instruct so I am not bringing in any green and we are having another bundle of joy- pressure was on.  This time around I went with the good old fashion cloth diapers, pins, and liners.  I use small washcloths and soft rags as wet wipes. I am breast feeding this baby- no formula, and making my own baby food. No fancy gadgets, just the old fashion throw the (inserts veggie type here) in the oven/or the range and mash it up type of baby food.  When it comes to clothes I am no longer a slave to fashion and I am not above the second hand stores. After all what is more sustainable then giving clothes second life? Not to mention some of the baby stuff still has the original tags on it. I wish I wasn’t so egotistical with my first baby; I could have saved so much money and used it to pay for at least her first year of her college tuition.

So, I challenge you to make a list of all the baby items and cleaning products you have purchased in the last year, add up the cost.  Now, start small and simply substitute one of your cleaning products for a home made version (http://eartheasy.com/live_nontoxic_solutions.htm#substitutions) or make your baby food ( http://www.wholesomebabyfood.com/) for one meal a day and see the savings add up. 

Do you accept the challenge?

Little Moments that make it ALL worth it

As a mom we are constantly picking up after, feeding, cleaning, wiping, changing, and comforting others.  Sometimes, while in the thick of it it’s difficult to remember why we do all that we do and then it happens, perhaps for just a moment, pure mommy bliss.  It happened to me today. I had dropped my princess off at pre-school, came home brushed my teeth, cleaned the kitchen up from dinner the night before and breakfast this morning, changed the baby, put that fun purple dinosaur on the television for my little super hero to watch, and headed downstairs to do some laundry.

To my dismay I found myself stepping in two inches of water, the floor drain had clogged.  Before I go any further it is important to note that I am one of those individuals who prefers to at least attempt to correct any issues around the house myself before dropping some hard earned money for a professional.  So I put on my boots, grabbed the drill and the snake and made my way to the basement.

I turned on the drill and after a couple of seconds pulled it up and to my amazement it was actually working. I recovered two socks and some weird swamp looking stuff and I was going back for more when I suddenly heard yelling from upstairs. It was my little super hero requesting that someone wipe his butt.  Seeing as the baby wasn’t capable of fulfilling this task it was up to me. So I sat down the drill took off my boots and headed upstairs for my next mission. 

I gingerly ran up the stairs and fulfilled my duties as the official butt wiper of the household (minus my husband- he can thankfully handle wiping his own) after we had both washed our hands we made our way downstairs and that is when it happened. My little superhero grabbed my hand and it was in that moment that I experienced mommy bliss.  I concentrated on the little hand securely placed within mine. I caressed the soft skin and thought about all the wonderful things those hands will do in a lifetime. It was then that I found my eyes beginning to tear up because I realized that those hands will not be little for long.  I so desperately wanted to savor the moment and place it in my memory, when a tear fell from my eye my super hero asked, “Mommy why are you crying”. To which I replied, “I am just so happy that GOD entrust me with this little hand to hold.  I love this little hand”.   Then, as if God knew that the moment was become to overwhelming for me my little super hero looked up at me and inquired, “What about this hand, do you love this hand?” as he held up the hand that I was not holding.  I began to laugh and confirmed that I did indeed love both of his hands.

The mystery of the substance on the floor- mommy is on the case!

As I walked through my home the umpteenth time today I stepped in something cold, wet, and slimy. My mind immediately started to wander, could it be dog drool? …Baby spit up? …Cat puke? Then I found myself actually routing for the dog drool..please let it be dog drool, please let it be dog drool. So I slowly looked down at the floor and at the substance on the bottom of my foot and it was clear. Well, I could rule out baby spit up because the baby had milk and squash to eat which would not be clear. So, I was down to dog drool or cat puke. So I went in for the old sniff test. I smelled my foot and it was odorless. YES! We have a winner, it is only dog drool. That made my day. Not only did I solve the case but I only stepped in dog drool which in the grand scheme of things is the least offensive cold, wet, slimy thing to be found on the floor.

Case Closed- I can cross that off my to do list today!