Day 2 and Day 3 of my screen-free challenge, Day 3 is a doozy

Day 2

Wow, did I sleep great.  I had no trouble falling asleep and staying asleep.  But I had a dose of the good stuff and like a drug I wanted more. However, the kiddos were up earlier than usual, bright-eyed at 6:30am and we actually had nowhere to go this morning.  I tried to get them to sleep in, I expressed that soon school would be starting and we would have to wake up early. I exclaimed that this is why we should treasure these few mornings left that we do not have to go anywhere, sleep in, SLEEP IN.  Then an idea stuck me, television, how great would it be to just have them preoccupied by a television show for an hour and mommy could continue this euphoric slumber. Then I remembered the 3 day screen-free challenge-NOOOOO I yelled in my mind as I slowly got out of bed and made my way to the kitchen to prepare breakfast.

We played instruments and listened to music

After everyone had eaten up all the eggs the day took off like a whirlwind.  We read all the Eric Carle books, we listened to music, played the instruments, danced, did our activity books, and colored, wow that was exhausting. 

The kiddos even helped me clip coupons

Unfortunately it was only 10am.  So I let them raid the recycling box and the pantry and make creative creations.  Surprisingly that lasted for an hour then I declared it lunch time.  Once they completed lunch it was off to quiet time for them and my hubby came home and we had lunch together.  Instead of eating in the family room preoccupied with a television show we ate in the kitchen and had a true heart-to-heart, it was a delightful meal. 

After quiet time it was off to various stores in hopes of using store coupons in order to get a discount on my little princess's new school uniform wardrobe.  So we stopped at Kohl’s got the stroller out, kiddos out, in the store, purchased a shirts, got the kiddos back in the car, stroller in the car, baby buckled and drove two minutes across the street to JCPenny’s.  Once at JCPenny’s I got the stroller out, kiddos out, in the store, purchased a skirt, got the kiddos back in the car, stroller in the car, baby buckled and drove a minute around the store to ULTA. Once at ULTA I got the stroller out, kiddos out, in the store, purchased moisturizer, got the kiddos back in the car, stroller in the car, baby buckled and drove back across the street to Kohl’s since I realized I still had 10 dollars worth of Kohl’s bucks in my wallet. So, after all was said and done my arms got a great workout, I think I broke my back, the children asked for random items roughly 50 times, they learned a valuable lesson about being on a budget, and I was just about out of my mind.  I so desperately just wanted to go home and place all of them in front of the television so mommy could decompress. But there was no time, dinner needed to be prepared. 

After dinner we walked down to the park then came home had bath time, books, prayers, and bed. Once they were in bed I did the usually mommy stuff to prepare for the next day and sat down and finished my book.  Yes, that is correct; I said finished my book, in two days.  I have not finished a book in two days since honor literature summer reading list in high school (I was a procrastinator back then, kinda of cynical, you know the typical teenager ). Once again, I fell to sleep right after reading my book.  My mind was so focused on the book that my thoughts had no space or time to wander, it was beautiful.

Day 3

We needed to get up and going today since all three of my kiddos had doctors’ appointments.  My super hero needed his wellness check before preschool started. My princess only required one vaccine, chicken pox (I loved getting the chicken pox, such a bummer) before starting kindergarten, and my little baby grace needed her well check.  So the grand total for all three kiddos was nine vaccines.  Being the good and prepared mommy that I thought I was I packed snacks, drinks, activities to preoccupy them, and we discussed what was going to happen once we arrived at the doctor’s office. We discussed why they receive shots and ways to preoccupy their minds.  It seemed like they were prepared. 

So we walked in and there was no one in the waiting room.  I paid each of their co-pays and they said we could come on back.  Awesome, this was working out wonderfully; we had made it past the first wait, now on to the second.  We didn’t even have to wait for the nurse, she followed us, asked a few questions, and we were onto the weighing and measurement room. My little super hero breezed right through being weighed, measured, and blood pressure like a pro, on to the baby.  All of my children as babies cried during the weighing portion of the appointment, the buckets with the crunchy paper terrified them, but not my little baby grace.  She sat in the bucket got weighed, laid down got measured for height, and sat up to have her head circumference measured.  WOW, it was going so well, I was such a proud momma. All that was left was to talk to the doctor and then vaccines.  So we waited for the doctor for like a minute, she checked them out, and then we waited for the nurse to come back with the vaccines.  I decided that it would be best if the super hero went first, he is four, well prepared for what is going to occur, and he exuded so much confidence. 

So the nurse arrived with the vaccines in each tray, sat them down, and asked who was going first. My super hero jumped up on the bench and declared that he would be first.  So I started talking to him, I had him looking in the opposite direction as the shot, we were focusing our attention on a picture in the room, everything was going so smoothly, then it happened.  He looked at the shot, it started to penetrate his skin and he freaked out.  With a gusto he swiped is arm past the nurses, pulling the shot out of his skin in the process, leaving a bloody trail as it exited his body.  He simultaneously let out a huge yelp and began wailing.  Upon witnessing this horrific display my little princess and baby grace began crying as well.  Unfortunately this was only the first of nine shots to be given that day. So the nurse had me sit him on my lap, his legs between mine, and hold his arms, I felt horrible holding my child down like this but I knew he needed these vaccines, and deep down somewhere I was praying that he knew as well.  As I sat him down in the chair sobbing from the trauma and  I had to refocus my attention on my little princess. She only required one shot but boy was it going to be difficult to get her to clam down.

By this time all three of my children are crying, they have actually closed the door to the waiting room in hopes of not scaring off other patience.  Along with the wailing and screaming my little princess begins running around the office trying to get away from me. It should be noted that I have never experienced such a display from my children.  I felt like the worst mother ever, chasing down her child, holding them in place as they are punctured.  My mind quickly shifted to mommy mode, I was riffling through my memory box eagerly searching a resolutions to make this conundrum disappear.  What would Dr. Laura do?...Dr. Phil? What would my mom do?

I tried to rationalize the situation, and then I tried channeling their imaginations, when nothing seemed to work I had to contemplate bribery. I had no choice, I just wanted the entire thing to end.  The yelling, screaming, wailing, running, that they were illustrating and the emotional trauma to my psyche, it all felt surreal.  I felt like I was stuck in some sitcom, you know the ones, where it is funny from the audience’s perspective but at the expense of the actor.  Somebody yell cut I kept thinking, this cannot be real.

So finally the big yellow arches came to mind.  I declared that everyone could have a happy meal, with a toy, and French fries if we just got through the next two rounds of shots.  Suddenly the chaos seceded. My little princess received her vaccine, with her legs between mine and holding onto me for dear life.  Baby grace was a breeze, though crying the entire time, I could console her easily.  Upon leaving the doctors office I felt like I was leaving a battle zone.  I was physically and emotionally drained.

We headed to McDonald’s were everyone received their unhealthy, everything I do not stand for, happy meal. And they were happy.

Once home I finished cleaning up from the morning, prepared for the next day, organized a few things all the while so desperately wanting and deserving some mindless screen time.  I just went through what I would assume hell to be like and I just wanted to get lost in something.  So I started reading a new book. Within moments my mind was onto a new topic, in a way mindless television shows or computers social networks do not allow.  Granted I am not a doctor and I have not conducted any research but based upon my personal experience there is something psychological that must occur when we read from a book and not a screen.  I do not know how to fully express it in words but it is special. It is almost like our entire brain focuses so much more on the pages as opposed to a screen where it seems like so much more is occurring.

Coming soon…..conclusion to the challenge and studies that have been done to support my findings

Synopsis of the 3 Day Challenge

The 3 day screen free challenge was an enlightening experience. I found that for the most part being screen free brought about peacefulness inside of me. However there were a few moments when I would have given my left arm to have Barney and Big Bird on my side.

Bye Bye TV

The night before the challenge we read the book, It’s Not What You’ve Got to set the tone for the next three days.

Day 1

This screen free thing is pretty easy.  Granted we had a dentist appointment this morning. So there really wasn’t much time for television watching.  When we got home the children listened to music, played their instruments, and danced around the living room while I prepared lunch.  I so enjoyed lunch.

Normally I would work through lunch doing random chores around the house in hopes of being able to get online while the kiddos nap, or have quiet time. Knowing that I couldn’t get online during naptime or quiet time really slowed me down.  I sat down at the table with the children.  Usually my mind is wandering on the various to do lists, or activities, I hope to accomplish.  However, for the first time in a long time my mind was clear. I giggled, sang, and even made animal noises with the children, I felt like a kid again! It was at that moment that it became crystal clear to me that the effect that screen time has on your mind can be significant. How sad is it that “normally” during lunch my mind is a whirlwind, wondering if I received a certain email, if a particular coupon has become available, or if a friend commented on a recent post to facebook.  Wow, the screen-time-brain effect was making me miss out on enjoying time with the most important people in my life.

After quiet time we walked down to the park, had dinner, read books, then it was bedtime for the kiddos.  Meanwhile my hubby took off for a poker game and I was suddenly by myself with only the cat and the dog. I started to think about what I was supposed to do now? Chores were all completed.  Suddenly this challenge felt silly to me and I contemplated turning on a screen.  Television or computer I didn’t care.  I was all by myself, who would know if I turned on the TV?  I need distraction...or company…or something...I was perplexed by the emotion I was begining to feel.  I was seriously starting to become a little anxious, weird, who becomes anxious due to lack of distraction? In order to subside this feeling of anxiousness I ventured over to the bookshelf and grabbed a book from my been meaning to read pile, poured a cup of tea, lit a scented soy candle, and started reading. Suddenly a flood of calm set over me and I thought to myself, so this is what relaxing is all about.  I had forgotten how nice it was to get lost in a book.   I usually read ten minutes here, ten minutes there, often totaling a half hour or less a day. This time I had the luxury of reading, rand eading, and reading, till I fell asleep.

More to come tomorrow…….

3 day Screen-Free Challenge

Are you ready for a 3 day Screen-Free Challenge?

After careful reflection on the status of my garden of life I have concluded that it is in the midst of a drought, the oxygen levels are low, and weeds and pests are slowly making themselves known.  In order to increase the oxygen levels, end the drought, and have a thriving garden once again the weeds and pests need to be abolished.   

The question that then begs to be asked is how?  How do you make your garden of life flourish once again?

At a MOPs meeting last year I had the pleasure of listening to two DJs from YES FM give an amazing presentation about the pest, weeds, and chemicals that can harm your garden of life.  As we entered the room there was three different items on a table.  There was a basket full of fruits and vegetables, a box of Twinkies, and a bottle of Roundup (Monsanto-the name just makes me cringe).  They began the presentation by explaining that the fruits and vegetables represent the healthy or nutritious media for the soul. 

The examples they listed as good, or positive influences were, veggie tales, pbs programs, and Christian radio (Matte West/Amy Grant). Then they directed their attention to the box of Twinkies on the table. 

The said that the box of Twinkies represents the media information that was not necessarily good or positive but wasn’t exactly negative, but neutral.  The examples they gave were Sponge Bob and family friendly music (The carpenters/Frank Sinatra) and shows.  As they moved down the table and focused their attention on the spray bottle of roundup they indicated that it, without a doubt, represents the negative or toxic influences in the media, music, and the like. 

The examples they gave were MTV, Lady Gaga, and violent games. The presentation really struck a nerve with me. I had never realized just how influential even the background music or television shows could be not only a young child, but me as well.   After that presentation I made a conscious effort to only listen to positive, uplifting music in the car and at home.  The result was surprising, my mood, as well as the children’s, seemed to be more uplifting.  I illustrated more patience with the children and them with each other. So, what does this have to do with my wilting garden of life? Everything!

If changing what we watch and listen to can have such a positive result then the hypothesis would then be that, unplugging and going screen free will only multiply the results, and allow my garden of life to flourish once again?

The ground rules:

For three days my family will not watch television, will not be on the computer, will not play any game system, will not watch or utilize anything with a screen.  This also includes my cell phone. When I receive a text message I must call that person, no texting.

I will be keeping a log (old fashion pen and paper style) of our activities and writing down everyone’s feelings and thoughts throughout the experiment. 

I am deliberately going screen free before school starts in order to fully grasp the amount of time, energy, and hopefully emotional or mental influence screen time does have on our family.

Well, here goes.

Signing off, I will post my feedback on Thursday.

If you are willing to accept this challenge or have comments please share those below.

Is Your Garden of Life wilting?

How to bring back your garden of life

An actual garden

I am sure this comes as no surprise to you but we are not on this planet for a long time.  I assume you plan on making the most of your time on this planet as I know I do as well.  After all, once our journey on earth ends we can not take a single materialistic thing or object with us.  All we have when it is all said and done are the relationships we formed, the memories we made, and faith.  In order to make this journey a positive one it is important to cherish and nurture your relationships; your relationship with your spouse, your children, your extended family, your friends, and with Christ. As the saying goes, anything worth having is worth working hard for and relationships are no exception.

The analogy I like to use is that your relationships are like a vegetable garden that need to be tended.  I like this analogy because it is very elementary and children and adults can relate.  When you teach your children about gardening you express that the main components that are required in order for your garden to grow are:

1.    Soil

2.    Water

3.    Fertilizer

4.    Sunlight

5.    Oxygen

The same is true when it comes to tending to your relationships.  Relationships do not just happen; there are specific components that need to be conveyed in order for the relationship to flourish. When tending to your garden of life the following components must be present to make it grow:

1.    Attention/Undivided Attention

2.    Listen

3.    Empathy or compassion

4.    Forgiveness

5.    Christ

When tending to a garden one of the main components is soil. When tending to your relationship one of the main components is attention, your undivided attention.  Undivided attention can be a difficult task for some people to undertake.  All the latest and greatest technological gadgets seem to complicate and infringe upon your time and manipulate your attention span. Granted, we all have a tendency to become preoccupied with phones, ipad, game systems, etc. The various social networks, facebook, tweeting, etc. only compound the preoccupancy. The irony is many people, including moms, spend so much time on social networks thinking they are nurturing their relationships.  While in the meantime, the poor souls who are physically present and trying to spend time with you are being severely neglected.  Or worse, have you ever seen those couples out at a restaurant who are both preoccupied with some technological gadget, talk about quality time together! 

I am not arguing the fact that technology has provided us with a magnitude of advantages.  It has provided us with a magnificent means for which to education our children on the world.  There is so much information at our fingertips and when utilized correctly is can be a blessing.  However, like everything, moderation is the key, healthy boundaries need to be established and maintained. Parents need to determine and uphold rules regarding screen time.  A big rule should be no screens at the dinner table.  The dinner table is the perfect opportunity to provide your love ones with your undivided attention, to nurture those relationships. Also, like everything in life, parents need to model appropriate behavior.  Parents need to limit their screen time. This might even mean setting a timer because it is easy to get sucked into the Bermuda triangle of technology.

After you have established rules regarding screen time it is so important that you explain why.  Express the fact that human interaction is important in order to establish and nurture relationships. Giving someone your undivided attention expresses to that individual that what they have to say is important to you, that they are important to you. After all as moms/parents don’t we want our children to know that they come first not some virtual life?

I fear that if this generation of mothers/parents does not carefully communicate the need for intimate relationships and nurturing those relationships then our children will fall prey to the fictitious cyber world.  Not to mention horrible etiquette as well. Have you ever been the victim to the chronic texter? Nothing says you are not important to me faster then the chronic texter.

There is clearly already a huge generation gap with regard to the virtual or cyber world.  A great example is the Toyota Venza commercial.  It begins with a young girl behind her computer screen.  She expresses that she read an article that said that older people are becoming anti-social.  She continues to state that her parents only have 19 friends on facebook, while she has over 600 friends on facebook.  The irony is while she is narrating this information the visual is of her parents meeting friends and going for a bike ride.  All the while she is sitting behind her computer tending to her cyber life.

Ok, so once you have established boundaries with regard to screen time, and have provided your undivided attention, the next component that is necessary for your garden of life to flourish is to listen. While this seems like an easy enough tasks it can actually be difficult to achieve.  Have you ever started listening to a person and a particular word or phrase they say strikes a nerve?    News flash, this is just as bad as interrupting. 

I know it can be difficult trying to override that portion of your brain that wants to hold on to that particular thought but it is important that you do.  Think of it this way, letting go of what you were thinking doesn’t mean it disappears.  If you are meant to bring up the particular thought in the conversation it will come back to you after you have given the other person the necessary time to finish speaking.

When your mind is preoccupied with other thoughts and you simply reply during the lulls in the conversation with what you assume to be an accurate response the other person knows, you are not fooling anyone.  This impulse response is simply another way of not listening and telling the other person that they are not important. This happens a lot between mothers and their children and wives and their husbands.  Often moms have so much information coming into their brains that they are on overload.  Don’t be afraid to say so, be honest with your children.  Tell them that what they have to say is important but mommy needs a few minutes to collect her thoughts.  Then after you have cleared you mind and finished any task that might preoccupy you sit down and listen to your child.  I have to be honest, I have no idea how you get your husband to listen to you. I am always open to suggestions.

Once you have set aside time, given your undivided attention, and listened to the person who makes up your garden of life the next step is to express compassion or empathy. There is nothing worse than confiding your concerns and fears regarding your life or most inner personal thoughts only to have the individual you are confiding the information to reply with a quick response and an expressionless face. I am not sure if it is due to the influx of various gadgets, social networks, or lack of human interaction in general but face to face people have become rather immune, or rather, awkward when it comes to illustrating compassion.  Perhaps it is because we are encouraging individuals away from any interpersonal activity. Think about it, we can now use a self scanner at the grocery store, a self scanner at the library, an automatic teller machine (ATM) at the bank, do online banking, purchase stamps and mail items from your home, and pump your own gas.  I suppose the closest we come in contact with people, besides church would be the drive thru. Has all this convenience brought about a generation that is lacking the ability to empathize with people?

When someone shares information about themselves with you it is important that you reply with a response that illustrates empathy. There are the occasions where perhaps you are not certain if you accurately interpreted the individual’s words.  When this happens kindly repeat what you thought they were saying.  The individual will then either confirm that yes, it was indeed what they were speaking of, or, they will elaborate for clarification. In order to nurture the relationship it is important that you understand their perspective and express the fact that you understand.  This does not have to mean that you agree with them, or their thoughts, but that you understand their thoughts. If a clear understanding is not made then miscommunication does occur and can lead to problems down the road. Also, if you do not practice empathizing with others entire relationships will eventually wilt away. So moms/parents take the time to sit down and express what empathy means with your children and practice living a more empathetic life, model the behavior for them.

We have set a strong foundation for this garden to grow but it still requires a few components in order for it to thrive.  Like the vegetable garden requires sunlight so does your garden of life.  In order to have light for your garden you must practice one of the most difficult actions for some individuals, and the most important action, forgiveness.  We have all had something negative happen to us at one time or another.  Unfortunately sometimes there are multiple offenses done to us but the key is to forgive.  I realize this can be difficult and I am not saying to forget because God knows that can be near impossible.  But in order for you to be a positive contribution to your own garden of life you need to remove the resentment in your heart. Once you have released the bitterness and negative thoughts from your mind you will be surprised at how your entire psyche alters.  Remove the needs for revenge; remove the grudges in your life, let the positive ions release. You exert so much energy by simply holding onto all the negative stuff that has occurred in your life, let it go.  Move on with your life in a more peaceful presence; let the past go, live today. How sad is it when you hear about a person who is so caught up in the happenings of the past that they let their few days, or years, left on this planet become clouded with hate and anger.  Choose joy, be the light in your garden of life.

Once you have the soil, water, fertilizer, and light in order there is still a very important component that is required for growth, oxygen. God is the oxygen in your garden of life.  When you think you are at your wits end, no one is listening to you, no one empathizes with what you are going through, or perhaps you are trying to help a friend and searching for the right words. God is always listening.  Granted the outcome may not be what your initial prayers were but he does have a plan for you. Do not become discouraged but rather provide your undivided attention and listen, he is telling you how to make your garden grow.

Lastly, it is important to note that there will be pest and weeds that enter your garden from time to time.  Do not alter your routine, be yourself, continue to provide undivided attention, listen, empathize, and forgive.  Either those pests will turn into vegetation in your garden of life or the level of oxygen will determine the outcome. Remember there are little gardeners watching your every move.

My Garden of Life

Peace

Mommies have to poop too!

“No great genius has ever existed without some touch of poop”.

-Lucius Annaeus Seneca-

Why are moms always the last individuals in the family to get to go to the bathroom? Ever missed your window and had to live with that bloated uncomfortable feeling all day? Or worse, after waiting your turn, and rapidly approaching a closing window, your opportunity finally arises only to be interrupted by some form of chaos.  Such as the baby placing small foreign objects in her nose or ears, or, perhaps your son thinking he can fly like superman only to be hugely disappointed by the impact of gravity and the pain of his head hitting the coffee table.  Off to the emergency room, maybe you can poop tomorrow?

As if it wasn’t bad enough already not being able to have the opportunity to have a bowel movement, we are then reminded periodically throughout the day that every other living creature in our house is, has, or will be pooping but us.  We clean up poop from the animals, we smell the horrific farts from the dog and our husbands, we change the baby’s diapers, we wipe our 3 year olds butt, and we flush the toilet after our 5 year old forgets. Yes, it is in our face all the time, everyone is pooping but mommy.

Why does daddy get 20 minutes of uninterrupted pooping time, often twice a day?  Does mommy’s colon not deserve the same? Ladies it is time to stand up for our time in the bathroom, or sit down, either way you get the point. So, grab that magazine you have been meaning to read and claim your time on the throne!

Excerpt taken from -Minimize the Chaos in order to Maximize the Joys of Motherhood

Mommies Unite! There is a fine line between curiosity and judgment.

Mommies Unite! There is a fine line between curiosity and judgment.

While reading an article the other day I had an epiphany. The article was discussing the ongoing mommy war of Working moms vs. Stay at home moms which I have often found to be moronic, as soon as a woman is given the title mom she is working.  She is physically, mentally, and emotionally on the clock so to speak.  She is up at 3am for feedings, changing diapers, packing bags, giving baths, making meal, and those are just the physical requirements.  She is also modeling behavior regarding appropriate ways to interact with others, seek assistance, and compassion for her youngersters.  She is answering philosophical questions, and teaching basic vocabulary, cause and effect, colors, shapes, religion, etc.   She is also emotionally invested till the day she dies.  She will worry about the way her child is developing. She will wonder if she is doing everything she can and should be doing for her children. She will put immense pressure on herself and even blame herself for any social, physical, or physiological delay her child may experience. As moms we question ourselves enough without the added pressure from other moms. Let the mom who is perfect, with perfect children, and home/household to be the first to pass judgment on another mother.

Some may say politicians, teacher, and religious leaders are the people who will have the most impact on the future, the ones who will write history.   I disagree with this factor; moms have the most important jobs on this planet, we directly influence the future generation.   We are the comforting embrace that those future leaders and teachers will be running to when they scrape their knee, when they are the last chosen for gym class games, when they experience frustration over their homework, when puberty wreaks havoc on their confidence, when their first true love breaks their hearts.  Moms are there when the world is against them and when they are on top of the world.

So, we have been given a very important job, to be a mother, and a job that none of us take lightly. Although, like any job we each must follow our own manuals and make adjustments as needed. So the next time you come in contact with a mother that follows a slightly different manual then yours, perhaps she formula feeds instead of breast feeds, uses synthetic as opposed to organic, works outside the home as opposed to in the home, teaches sign language as a first language as opposed to English, uses a pacifier vs. no pacifier, uses cloth diapers as opposed to disposable, home schools as opposed to private/public schools, ferberizes as opposed to co-sleeps, driving a Honda as opposed to a Ford, etc. Remember we are each trying our best to fulfill our obligations as a mother. We are already putting a substantial amount of pressure on ourselves without the added pressure from the outside world.

This is not to say that we should not share our mommy manuals with other mommies.  We can learn so much from each other but there can be a fine line between curiosity and judgment.

Do you speak Manguage or the language of men?

Have you ever had a difficult time describing the shear magnitude of responsibilities and unexpected mishaps that can occur during the day to your husbands?  Does it seem like no matter how you try to express the fact that you are physically, emotionally, and mentally drained they never seem to truly appreciate the extent? Well, most moms can relate. It is no surprise that men and women speak different languages (and a bad case of selective hearing, but that is a whole different story).

For example, when your husband gets home and you express the fact that you have had a very demanding day and share the happening of your day with him you state the following:

The baby was up all night so my day started off on a tired note, followed by the fact that Tommy and Sue’s school closed due to boiler issues so I had to entertain the children all day.  Fortunately I was still able to maintain the daily chores.  So, I am a little excited by the fact that I did it; though the day did not start off in my favor I did it! I fed the kids, put clean sheets on all the beds, did laundry, fed the animals, swept the floors, vacuumed, cleaned the kitchen (three times), changed diapers, resolved a few sibling quarrels, had a few discussions about inappropriate behavior, paid some bills, got caught in the crossfire of a juice box war, cleaned up puke (Tommy used the sit & spin after lunch, again, after I have told him five times not to spin after you eat),  had a serious discussion about super heroes and heaven, made a slew of crafts with Sue, helped a girlfriend through some turmoil in her life, and still manages to throw on some deodorant,  a semi decent wardrobe, and have dinner on the table. Go me!

Unfortunately what your husband heard was:

The baby was up all night and…… then his mind kind of started to wandered. 

Our husbands might say it is our own fault, we should say something new or perhaps not as much but the real issue is we are speaking different languages.  I guess John Gray was right, Men are from Mars, darn Martians, that explains why they do not hear what we are saying and why their feet always smell, what is the deal with that?  I digressed. We need to figure out how to speak their language and I think I have found the perfect analogy. Moms/Wives are like Cars.

Let me explain, men seem to always take exceptional care of their cars and understand car language.  They fill up the tank before it is even 3/4 empty, they get oil changes on time, clean their cars out frequently (or at least much more frequently then us mommies get the opportunity to), rotate and change tires as necessary, and need I add, even have a little fun with their cars (speed a little, enjoy their favorite music, like to show it off to their friends), and the kids are rarely in their car. Remember Tim the Tool man Taylor from Home Improvement?  He is the perfect example of how a man speaks car and takes care of his car. So, I have come up with the following language barrier resolution. Simply translate all your questions and woes into men language or manguage. I have included a few suggested phrases below.

Women say:

I have had a long and tough day and need to get out of the house and away from the children for a little while to rejuvenate so that my mommy spirit will be ready for a new day. I am going to a friends to talk for a little while.

Translated in manguage:  My tank is almost empty and I need to refuel. 

Women say:

I had a tough week and need some time to redirect my focus and put some “me” time in.  I think I will get a pedicure, what do you think?  It isn’t sandal weather yet but I could use it. Maybe I should wait? What do you think? Maybe while I am there I will get my eye brows done, what do you think?  My legs are hairy too, I have never waxed my legs but I have always wanted to try, what do you think?

Translated in manguage:  I need to get myself detailed, be back in a few hours.

Women say:

It has been forever since I have gotten my hair done and I feel so dated and yucky. I ran into Cindy today and she has this new bob that looks amazing on her. I need to get a new hairdo.  Do you think I should go shorter? My face is long though, I am not sure how that will look on me. Perhaps go lighter… or darker? Maybe I should get a few highlights? What do you think?

Translated in manguage: I need a new paint job. I was going to ask you a lot of questions but ultimately will call Cindy and trust her opinion.

Women say:  My OBGYN appointment is coming up, I so dread this but I know it is for my health.  I hope there isn’t a long wait. That gets me thinking, what about another baby? I am not getting any younger?

Translated in manguage: I need to get the interior detailed, check under the engine and make sure everything is running smoothly.  Regarding the baby comment-This model is getting old so lets make it look amazing, take it for a fun drive, and then put it out of commission for a year and then increase the car payment again (because the last three increases were not significant enough) for an indefinite amount of time.

Women say: Don’t you love me anymore? We never talk, we never go out, and I am stuck with the kids all day everyday, I need some adult attention.

Translated in manguage: I have a full tank of gas, the interior is detailed, tires rotated, engine checked, and washed- it’s time to show me off to your friends.

So maybe no real issues are being resolved but at least we are now able to translate our thoughts into manguage.  Please share some of your manguage barriers that you have experienced.